Before I became the mother of my 7 ½ month old son. I would constantly worry about making everyone happy, making sure I didn’t step on anyone’s toes. Everyone was happy except me. Now I’m a mother, I need to be 100% while I’m taking care of my son, he can tell when I’m not feeling well. And I really can’t make every single person happy anymore.
What is people-pleasing?
People-pleasing is when a person always tries to please others, they sacrifice their needs and wants in the process.
I’ve done this most of my life. I’ve tiptoed around everyone, making sure they stay happy, avoiding confrontation. It’s actually pretty draining. It’s draining because I realized that I didn’t matter. Others weren’t going through great lengths to make sure I was happy. I was alone.
Motherhood is a different world. You matter. We must stop pleasing others all the time. Here’s some tips on how to stop people-pleasing as a new mom:
- You have to be comfortable with saying no.
- Stop apologizing.
- Set clear boundaries.
- Get to know yourself.
- Tune into your needs.
- You have to be comfortable with saying no.
If you are not able to say no to things that make you uncomfortable, the people in your life will continue to keep walking all over you. You are neglecting yourself when you are putting yourself through situations that don’t align with you. You need to say no whenever you don’t want to do something. Maybe you can think about setting an example for your child or, think about how you’re the mom, you’re in charge. I think about that sometimes.
- Stop apologizing.
Are you saying you’re sorry over every little thing you do? You have to learn how to stop that. You don’t need to do that, you’re not always in the wrong.
- Set clear boundaries.
You are now a new mom. You have an idea about how you want to be treated and how you want your child to be treated. You can set those boundaries, there is nothing wrong with that. You can tell everyone that is close to you what those boundaries are and don’t budge.
4. Get to know yourself.
Maybe it’s time for you to get to know yourself, your likes and dislikes, your boundaries, how your mind works, etc. You are very busy taking care of your child, your house, and your relationship. You could be forgetting all about yourself. Yes, you are a mom now. You are also a beautiful woman that has a great personality, hobbies, favorite foods, etc. Take some time to get to know yourself again.
5. Tune into your needs.
Like I said in the previous point, as a mom, you often forget yourself. You never mind how you feel, how you feel in your gut. You need to tune into that, don’t ignore it. If there is something that you need, address that need, get that need met. New mom, you can get your needs met too. Just like your baby gets their needs met every day, the same can happen for you. You shouldn’t just get rid of your needs to make someone else happy. While that person is happy, you are drained, and its building resentment.
It’s a process to stop people-pleasing. We want to change during this new chapter in our lives. You are strong and you can do it. Get comfortable with saying no, stop apologizing, set clear boundaries, get to know yourself, and tune into your needs.
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